Understanding Introverts

I was nosing around Neil Stephenson's (one of my favourite authors) personal web site, a fun collection of tidbits. Under the "Author" section he has a list of randomish thoughts, I clicked on "Introvert" and it led to an article over at Atlantic.com entitled "Caring for your Introvert". This article was a bit of a bombshell for me, an unrepentant Extrovert married to an Introvert.

Extroverts are energized by people, and wilt or fade when alone. They often seem bored by themselves, in both senses of the expression. Leave an extrovert alone for two minutes and he will reach for his cell phone. In contrast, after an hour or two of being socially "on," we introverts need to turn off and recharge. My own formula is roughly two hours alone for every hour of socializing. This isn't antisocial. It isn't a sign of depression. It does not call for medication. For introverts, to be alone with our thoughts is as restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as eating. Our motto: "I'm okay, you're okay—in small doses."

Link

I'm sure my wife Janet will be very pleased my understanding of her is vastly increased, and I'll shut up more often... The article was written in 2003, and was apparently immensly popular; there are alot of Introverts chaffing at the hegemony of Extroverts. One follow-up article regarded whether Introverts and Extroverts can make good couples (let's hope so!). From the reader feedback:

I think, as an introvert, that the companionship of an extrovert can be very beneficial. The extroverted partner is like a shield for the introvert in social settings. I caution, however, that the "social" needs of the introvert can become burdensome for the extrovert. The burden is borne by requiring the extroverted partner to carry the load, provide the motivation and energy to engage in the social scene. The intro-extrovert relationship can be a palliative for the introvert, but an absolute chore for the extrovert who must often carry the full load of managing social arrangements and engagements. In the end, as a result of the effort required, the introvert may deprive the extrovert of the oft-needed joy of the social life the extrovert needs to thrive.

I just married an extrovert a few months ago. I have always treasured any alone time that I can get, and it takes a all of my energy to "act" like an extrovert for more than a few hours. He has to have people in the house every waking moment, and I get my fill after about two hours and want to just hide in another room and accomplish things other than visiting. I guess it comes down to finding balance in all things, because he does bring more living and memories and relationships to my life, but it also wears me out. I don't think it's healthy for him to have zero alone time to reflect on his life and thoughts, so I'm still working on the compromise part of our social life. If both of us were introverts, maybe we would be really miserable and depressed and have no enjoyment out of life whatsoever, so as long as we both can balance things out, its a great combination.

I'm a female introvert. One problem with an extroverted spouse (I should know, I had one!) is that this person is always wanting to go to parties, to social events, out to dinner with other couples, to family get-togethers. Either the introverted spouse has to go too and be miserable (hearing: "What's the matter, why aren't you having a good time?"), or the introverted spouse stays home, making the extroverted spouse irritated ("Can't you at least come to one of these things?"), and leading other attendees to assume something is wrong with your marriage.

Link